Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
