Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
