WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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