was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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