you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
