Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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