half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
