I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
