You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
