Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
