I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
