First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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