first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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