Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table