my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
