i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
