i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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