She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
