Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
