Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
