I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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