True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
