my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
