I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was born a porn star she said
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
