please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
