i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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