After last night, I could never be a politician.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
