just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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