dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize