I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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