wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
