My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
