That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
