I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
