Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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