ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
