so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They have beer where we have blood.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
