Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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