We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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