There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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