Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
