if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
