In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
