i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
