capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
