Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
