Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i think my cat just said my name.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
