Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
