I've blown a few things in my day
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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