That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
