I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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