honey bunches of taint.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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