I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
