if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
