similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
