This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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