Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is my gift to your gina
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
