I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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