nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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