Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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