So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
