Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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