im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Welp...herpes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
