Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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