note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
