i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
