dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
