OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
