don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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