I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
