I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
