how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
