He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
